How To Survive Heartbreak (and get over him quickly)
So, he dumped you and you’re still wondering why you didn’t see it coming… Being dumped hurts twice as bad because it also hurts the ego. No matter if you’re the dumped or the dumpee, you’re reading this because you seek answers to painful, sometimes unanswerable questions.
The simple trick to getting over someone who you love deeply has yet to be discovered. No self-help book in the world can magically erase that person from your mind. Time is cruel but it means well. In the meantime, there are steps you can take that will make sure you get over this person as quickly as possible. Here’s how I did it anyway.
Step: 1 Self Reflection
I self-reflected for a long time. After I got dumped by the man I thought I would marry, I wanted to be bitter and angry and blame him for everything wrong in my life, but instead I self-evaluated. What had I done to drive him away? What part had I played in our fading love and dwindling desire for each other? What had made him close off completely after several years of happiness?
Step 2: No contact
I followed the 30-day no-contact rule. That is, I tried not to talk, text or call him for 30 days. This does several things. It makes you look like you’re strong. Like you’re moving on and you got this! This also works for giving you both the space you so desperately need (even if it seems you don’t). This is important. You both need space otherwise you wouldn’t be in this sticky mess. At the end of those 30 days, are you still in love with him? If you are, then gradually begin contact.
Step 3: No sex
I detoxed my sex life. That is, I abstained from any sexual relationships for at least 15 months. For me, it wasn’t a conscious decision at first. I just couldn’t see myself being intimate with him or anyone else until I had sorted these crappy feelings. It helped that I had no desire to pursue any sort of relationship. I just wanted to be okay with myself before getting intimate and possibly confusing feelings with another person.
Step 4: Exercise
I started doing stretches and mini workouts. At first by fitting in 5 to 10-minute intervals. I wasn’t actively trying to lose weight as much as just trying to get those happy endorphins going. After weeks and months of sadness and borderline depression, I needed to see the bright side — and I knew working out is the fastest shortcut to immediately feeling good. Note: if you’re out of shape, at first your muscles will hate you, but then they’ll love you! It then became a habit and now I’ll do daily high knees, step ups, and leg exercises while I do things like brush my teeth and wash dishes. These daily moves inadvertently built me a nice round booty!
Step 5: Focus On Short Term Goals
My short-term goal was to be healthy and that mentality gave me a “revenge body.” Daily exercises toned my body and I slowly dropped excess weight, and it felt good so I kept it up. I began reading about fasting and its detoxing effects on both the mind and body. By eating less frequently, my body began to recover from the mental fatigue I had acquired. The results: I was less hungry and my pores got smaller. Win-win.
Step 6: Practice Positivity
I changed my attitude. During my first step of self-reflection, I realized our relationship had soured so badly because among many things, my negative attitude was ruining all the fun. I didn’t like how despondent I had become just as much as he didn’t, so I concentrated on being more positive until it stuck.
Step 7: Kill ‘Em With Confidence
I gained confidence in myself and who I am. After months of being single and practicing abstinence, I am happier than I’ve been in years. I no longer longed for him or fixated on what went wrong. I simply went with the flow when it came to us. Now I knew for sure that I could truly be happy — when weeks before I felt like I didn’t want to go on without him. I had survived my worse heartbreak.
After 15 months of separation, we’ve been constantly hanging out again. Because we both took the high road when we broke up, it was easier for us to reconnect without tension and resentment. We’ve been ‘dating,’ that is slowly getting to know each other again, and it almost feels like we’re falling in love all over again. But now I’m equipped with so much more knowledge and confidence than before. So, I got this – no matter what the outcome is.